Happy Father Day

Happy father day!

Even though you're not here physically, you will always be in my heart. 

Here to you...your favorite type of flower 

Stone art

What do you see?

water flower

It's just like yesterday...

Pumps

Girlfriend's friend

My fortune from a cookie

Happy Friday

Made in USA

Guess what is made in the USA

The walk of life

I recently read a commencement address given at the upenn. Needless to say it is one of the commencement speech ever given. It's great because its unconventional and so out of the box. It gives you the reality that is often forgotten. It is not sugar coated but still give you hope for the future.
Just walk and you will see...take an opportunity to learn and to connect.


"Travelers, there is no path, paths are made by walking. --Antonio Machado"

The interconnection of object

What are we made of...

Words and thoughts

And I sit and sit and sit
Think about the world unknown
Stride the fingers across the bar
Only to linger and then stop
As I type the word fast to post
Thoughts wander to where could you be
Cause these words might never be read
The back button seems to work just fine

Through the lens

Walking through the park, alone in the dark...
Acting like you were never there...
The fact
I learn to accept
As the rain mixes its sweet to the falling tears
Sitting on the bench in the park I contend..
The memories
We made will remain...
As I say goodbye to the past
The gentle wind caresses past the time
And I wish I wish I want to wish..
You were here to make memory

Quote and requote

I have read the book "Dipa Ma" a long time ago (maybe 3-5 years ago). The past five or six months have been eventful. Going from the bottom of the rock to almost the top of the mountain (actually more of like mid-way), I couldn't think of a way to explain it.

They say always be careful of what you wish for because you never know what you're going to get. I've asked and received. Though it's not a pleasant message but it was clear enough to guide me in a different direction in time. 

I recently look up Dipa Ma. I no longer have the book with me. But here are the 10 lessons from Dipa Ma

1. Choose one meditation practice and stick with it. If you want to progress in meditation, stay with one technique
2. Meditate every day. Practice now. Don't think you will do more later. 
3. Any situation is workable. Each of us has enormous power. It can be used to help ourselves and help others.
4. Practice patience. Patience is one of the most important virtues for developing mindfulness and concentration.
5. Free your mind. Your mind is all stories.
6. Coll the fire of emotions. Anger is a fire.
7. Have fun along the way. I'm quite happy. If you come to meditate, you will also be happy. 
8. Simplify. Live simply. A very simple life is good for everything. Too much luxury is a hindrance to practice. 
9. Cultivate the spirit of blessing. If you bless those around you, this will inspire you to be attentive in every moment. 
10. It's a circular journey. Meditation integrates the whole person

dream vs reality

we always dream of a perfect ending but only to wake up realizing it's just a dream...

they say everything has its time and place. I guess they are right..

"A Separation"

A tiny review about "A Separation", an Oscar Winner for Best Foreign Film.

trailer:



It's a strange feeling walking out of the theater after watching the movie.. it's almost like don't know what to say. Witnessing the breakdown of a family's dynamic and how people deal with situations that could change their lives is somewhat familiar but at the same time touched.

"A separation" is an Iranian film depicting the divorce of two individuals who were married for over 10 years and had one daughter together. The film was tactfully presenting each individual's situation but not a solution. You kept on watching to see what really happened and tried to understand why they did. You started thinking about yourself and the situation that you have gone through and the decision that you have made.

Simin and her husband were fighting with each other because she wanted to leave for a foreign country in order to give their daughter a better future while Nadir did not share the same thought. He had a father who had Alzheimer and there was no one taking care of him in Iran. They could not live together. He told her to go if she wanted to but she could not take their daughter with her. It was the beginning of all the things that happened. Never once did he ask her to stay.

Nader hired a maid to take of his father now that Simin had left for her parents home. Razieh was a very religious woman and had found it difficult taking care of Simin's dad. She however had a husband who happened to owe others lots of money making it impossible for her not to work to take care of things. Despite the difficult work, she stuck through until one day, Nader went home and found his Dad tied to the bed and fell down to the floor.

From here..the wheel of consequences started to turn... from one misunderstanding leading to another misunderstanding... from one lie leading to another lie...and it spread like fire, from one person to another person. An innocent girl was put to lie against her will to protect something precious to her. An innocent girl was asked to witness the breakdown of her family and couldn't do anything to protect it. An innocent girl looked up only to see that hope was no where to be seen. The final stare at the adults in the big room was powerful and almost scary.

Some said the movie was about class separation and how they conducted their life. Some said the movie was about the morale of people living in the situation that they were in.

Despite setting in Iran, I can find myself sitting in and witnessing similar situations. Despite our different decision, it's hard to judge why he/she did what he/she did. The flaw of human nature is that we know our flaw but sometimes we couldn't do anything about. We do certain things for certain reasons and to us those reasons are dear and more important than others. One can't compare whose children are more important. One can't compare whose life is more important. In the end, we often decide what's best for us whether one has to lie to get what one wants. It is after all human nature.

"A separation" is a wonderful movie but it is not without flaw. I would suggest you forgive the flaw while watching it. Then you would be able to enjoy it a lot more.

In the end, you might have to make some decision ;-)

friday...

It's been so long.. Feb is almost over. Time just never stops.

It's been an interesting month with so much learning. I can imagine myself doing this job without all the strings attached.

In a few months, I will head to a new chapter. It's exciting but also a bit intimidating. I'll be working in a new environment and will be meeting with new people.  No longer will be surrounded by the friends I made in the last four years. Looking back, I had thought about whether I should apply for the residency instead. Taking the path that is different from others... I guess it's a risk one has to take every now and then. Where it leads me? I don't know. But whatever it is, I think it's for the better.

Working here in the past month makes me realize that I can do this.... unlike what I was told in the past. Forget about what people had done... forget about what was said...only you can do what you believe you can do.

Will soon celebrate a new chapter :)

Only 17 weeks left

Only 17 more weeks then I will be done for this phase in my life.

Four years ago, at this time I was busy preparing for interviews... for years later, I am still busy preparing for interviews.

Who knows what happen for years later? I will be busy preparing for something big to happen in my life?

whatever it is, may this change be a good change.

Happy New Year! May it bring you joy and happiness wherever you are!

Are you preparing for new changes in your life? Whatever it is, I'm sure you can do it. Just don't give up :)

Another year

It's new year eve day. I suddenly miss you and wonder where you are.
I don't think my health has been good this year but everything has been fine (at least I survived them all up until now).
I've been up quite early this morning (mostly due to indigestion). I guess I should have known better not to eat certain food. I sincerely think I'm developing some kind of food allergy. I just need to figure out what it is.

Daddy, we are doing well. Ethan has grown up a lot. He's a very good and spoiled boy. He starts walking now. He loves to eat as well. I tend to enjoy his food for some reasons.

I think you would have love seeing him growing up. He would have probably love you very much because you were so gentle with everyone.

So wherever you are, just be safe and be happy. You might have forgotten about us, but we still remember you.

Happy New Year Daddy

With lots of love

missing the snow on new year eve

This time last year, I was strolling the street in Kyoto.
How much I missed the old days.
Kyoto, one day I will definitely visit you again.
Kyoto, one day I will definitely strike the bell at the temple on New Year Eve again.

Living is a journey that can only be walked alone

Letting it go

If there is anything that I learn from my practice, it's the ability to let things go. Knowing that things are mostly transient has been making my life much easier than how I would have lived. Not staring at the close door, I am able to let go and explore other opportunities. Sometimes I do think, all the signs have been given to us and we often choose to ignore them. Using our logical mind, you try to navigate everything but whether it will bring happiness, I'm not sure. By learning to let things go, I get to see the things that I would not have known otherwise. Such a simple lesson but it takes many years to learn... and many more years to practice. I have always asked for signs to help me...the signs have been given to me all along only I have not noticed it. But now I do and now I embrace it. Let it be...and let it go

challenge again?

Sometimes I wonder what life is all about. Three years ago around this time, I was faced with the life challenge and I had to decide whether to continue or to withdraw. In the end, I was able to pull through with my head high. Three years later, I am once again met with the another challenge in life. Sometimes I wonder if life is teasing me. When I thought I've decided, things start falling apart. But I'm sure I will be fine. No matter what happens, you can't look at the close door and being sad about it. If there is anything that I've learned, life is unexpected and you just have to adapt it as much as you can in order to survive.

Sleep sleep

Last month, I hardly got past 5 hours of sleep a night. All was due to the hectic schedule and the demand of the rotation in addition to the work I need to get done in preparation for December. So you would think I would sleep like a baby whenever I got a chance. It was true most of the time. The moment I turned off the computer to go to bed, my brain was tired and at times thought about what would happen tomorrow. Despite this, some nights I would just close my eyes without being able to fall asleep. Time after time, my brain was just too active for me to go to sleep. I often said I could sleep easily but now I also know that stress and anxiety could cause people to go lose sleep which adds another complexity to the already complex problem. Often time, people would try to relax the mind in order to go to sleep. In the past when I was a lot younger, I would start counting sheep or number. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't work. I think nowadays, some people would take medications to help them going to sleep (the medication works to reduce certain activity of the brain). Some people try yoga, listen to soft music or other relaxation methods. Although, I don't often have insomnia but whenever I do, I realize they all have one thing in common: my brain just could not stop thinking about what I should do tomorrow, the day after tomorrow or it could not stop exploring options to find solutions to problems. At times, I would get lost and just let the brain do its calculation as to what should and should not be done. The more I let go, the more awake I became and the less sleepy I was even though my body was tired from working all day. (This hasn't accounted to the anxiety that these thoughts brought to me). So how I got out of the loops that keep me from having a nice sleep: I often would have to tell my brain that thinking too much and it's time to turn off the activity in order to go to sleep. I admit that it's not an easy process to go through. But if you are like me, sometimes I can get a bit carry-away with my thinking without realizing that many of them were just thoughts. (without a good night sleep, I probably wouldn't be able to do all the things my brain asking me to do). This is just an example of how we often just let the problems be what they are rather than fixing the problems to prevent the consequences. there is always a reason for us to be awake. For me, it was due to my brain's activity. If yours is the same, maybe you can try to calm the mind by acknowledging that worried mind and let the worry go and do not think about it at the moment. If you keep telling yourself that, the mind will be a bit more stable and might let you go to sleep a bit easier.