It's a lazy Sunday day....
another year.. another goal.. I don't even remember whether I have a new year resolution for last year.. we tend to forget.
It's been a year of traveling. Going to a different country was great. Experiencing new things, learning new things, seeing different perspectives... and what else? People often say, you can take a person out of his/her country, but you can't take a country out of a person. I would prefer the saying you can take a person out of his/her home, but you would not be able to take home out of a person. You can make anywhere home... seriously. You can't take what you have out of you because it's yours. Going to England last summer, I realize we can live pretty much any where but when given a choice, you want to stay at where you prefer the most. It's approaching.. in about 2 and a half year, I will have to decide where I will head next. Whether I would stay in the East, going back to the West, or going to somewhere else completely different...the answer is still unknown. Who knows what will happen in the next year.
I haven't read any book in the last year if I remembered correctly. I still like reading but everytime I browse the bookstore or everytime I pick up a book, similar themes continue to occur. No longer has I found myself immersed in a book like the ones from Dicken. No longer has I found myself eager to pick up a book from Hesse. No longer has I continued to find the desire to pick up another book. I do hope to have a good book to read over and over again. However, I keep picking it up and putting it down. Drama is everywhere. Teen fiction is everywhere. I guess there is a true in every story but yeah I still put them down. No longer is romantic novel appealing. Am I passing the age of experiencing this? Or am I just seeing much and learning much to realize that it is not as it sounds?
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
final is almost over
The brain is very forgiving if you let it be. When I dwell upon something, I consciously do so... but when I decide not to dwell upon something, I also consciously do so.
Maybe being train to do science has done some good... or... maybe not. When you couldn't find a subject, you tend to experience it on yourself and realize.. ah... maybe it's actually working.
Final is almost over. It has not been a very hard semester. I have had harder semester. However, it seemed that memorization is not my best thing. I guess I could memorize something but I couldn't memorize everything in the amount of time and practice. It's hard to be tested on things when you don't much about. But it's okie. I'm not upset about. I was but I'm okie now...
Pharmacists are detailed oriented... and yes... when we are giving tests... our questions tend to be detailed oriented as well...
this summed up a lot of my thoughts about the previous exam... but overall, I'm happy because I've tried my best... without sacrificing my personal health ^_^
until next time...
Maybe being train to do science has done some good... or... maybe not. When you couldn't find a subject, you tend to experience it on yourself and realize.. ah... maybe it's actually working.
Final is almost over. It has not been a very hard semester. I have had harder semester. However, it seemed that memorization is not my best thing. I guess I could memorize something but I couldn't memorize everything in the amount of time and practice. It's hard to be tested on things when you don't much about. But it's okie. I'm not upset about. I was but I'm okie now...
Pharmacists are detailed oriented... and yes... when we are giving tests... our questions tend to be detailed oriented as well...
this summed up a lot of my thoughts about the previous exam... but overall, I'm happy because I've tried my best... without sacrificing my personal health ^_^
until next time...
Sunday, December 13, 2009
random...
Another test is tomorrow... not feeling anxious... I Guess because I'm so used to it by now.. or I don't care much about it anymore :D
It's interesting seeing how people tend to change even in social networking. Noticing breaking up .. making up.. I wonder if I ever dated anyone, would I want to friend this person on my social networking site? probably not, it might make things a lot more awkward when we decide to break up. All of a sudden, friendship no longer exists.
Then there are others who would hide their relationship when it's so obvious... I think it's so cute.. make me remember the older times when things were so different. It's all the in-class gossip. Things are ways more interesting... breaking up? making up? rumors? But... social networking lets people stalk one another..
well I better go to sleep now... gotta wake up early tomorrow ^_^
It's interesting seeing how people tend to change even in social networking. Noticing breaking up .. making up.. I wonder if I ever dated anyone, would I want to friend this person on my social networking site? probably not, it might make things a lot more awkward when we decide to break up. All of a sudden, friendship no longer exists.
Then there are others who would hide their relationship when it's so obvious... I think it's so cute.. make me remember the older times when things were so different. It's all the in-class gossip. Things are ways more interesting... breaking up? making up? rumors? But... social networking lets people stalk one another..
well I better go to sleep now... gotta wake up early tomorrow ^_^
Monday, December 7, 2009
A note
Time in our life...
A friend's grandmother-in-law is now residing in hospice. It must have been hard for her to go through this during final times. I think about the people who have to go through this daily and wonder how life must have been for them. I often reflect on death and think about it as a progress or I must say a step I need to cross someday. Too early for a young person to think about death one may say, but it can come so unexpectedly that I feel there is a need for preparation. You might wonder... what kind of preparation? funeral? burial? ceremony? Actually, these things are not important. I wonder whether a dead person can appreciate the elaborate ceremony and feel important because of it. I wonder whether a dead person can see the nicely built tomb where his body will lay resting. I wonder about what their final thoughts on life would be...
For me, death is very simple. It's the end and also the beginning. The end of a lifetime, and the beginning of another lifetime. It marks the transitional period between this life and the next life. The past should not be a matter of interest because the effects have been done. The future should not be a matter of interest because who knows what lies ahead. As a Buddhist saying, you can only live at the present... you can't live in the past, neither can you live in the future. Treating the last moment of your life as it is might be the best way to confront reality. It might relieve the difficult past that you don't want to remember. It might relieve the anxiety that you have for the future. We tend to cling to our past be it happy or sad to make our departure difficult. We tend to cling to the unfinished business that we want to accomplish. But learning how to let it go... learning how to look at things as it is nature... be it a new birth or a final farewell...things come and go.
I can't talk to you... neither will our religion coincide. I can't tell what you let go the past and stop thinking about the future. Neither can I tell you to be as you are. I only wish if tonight is your last night, may you rest in peace and may you find happiness in wherever you may be.
Farewell to the person whom I've never met...
A friend's grandmother-in-law is now residing in hospice. It must have been hard for her to go through this during final times. I think about the people who have to go through this daily and wonder how life must have been for them. I often reflect on death and think about it as a progress or I must say a step I need to cross someday. Too early for a young person to think about death one may say, but it can come so unexpectedly that I feel there is a need for preparation. You might wonder... what kind of preparation? funeral? burial? ceremony? Actually, these things are not important. I wonder whether a dead person can appreciate the elaborate ceremony and feel important because of it. I wonder whether a dead person can see the nicely built tomb where his body will lay resting. I wonder about what their final thoughts on life would be...
For me, death is very simple. It's the end and also the beginning. The end of a lifetime, and the beginning of another lifetime. It marks the transitional period between this life and the next life. The past should not be a matter of interest because the effects have been done. The future should not be a matter of interest because who knows what lies ahead. As a Buddhist saying, you can only live at the present... you can't live in the past, neither can you live in the future. Treating the last moment of your life as it is might be the best way to confront reality. It might relieve the difficult past that you don't want to remember. It might relieve the anxiety that you have for the future. We tend to cling to our past be it happy or sad to make our departure difficult. We tend to cling to the unfinished business that we want to accomplish. But learning how to let it go... learning how to look at things as it is nature... be it a new birth or a final farewell...things come and go.
I can't talk to you... neither will our religion coincide. I can't tell what you let go the past and stop thinking about the future. Neither can I tell you to be as you are. I only wish if tonight is your last night, may you rest in peace and may you find happiness in wherever you may be.
Farewell to the person whom I've never met...
Sunday, December 6, 2009
late post
Trying to accomplish something this weekend.... well they are nearly half-done but what can I do? there are only 24 hrs in a day, 8 hours for sleep, 4 hours for entertainment, 2-3 hours for eating and other activities, that's left with a few hours for studying with intermittent activities such as : facebooking, reading the tabloids, and learning about the news around the world such as... how many mistresses does Tiger Woods actually have? An international start... and now succumbs to his own success... I wonder... can a person be this....(what word should I use?). Anyway.. it's really none of my business. It just showed that... you will never know the other side of the story. Don't judge and don't expect... don't speculate...:-)
It's almost Christmas... I can't believe I've been here for almost 10 years... wow! It's strange looking back what I've accomplished so far... so much has changed. Receiving a small message from an old best friend warms my heart in the cold morning. I do treasure my friendships and most of the good memories that we have together. I am not going to be sentimental and said... I will also treasure the bad memories as well. I remember them as lessons for many others to come. You always learn from your mistakes when you realize you make ones. Ten years, not too short.. not too long. But it's enough to change a person. It's long enough to make a person grow and mature. The list goes on. :)
A little less than 2 weeks, another semester is gone. I've accomplished... much this semester I guess. Learning how to start a small organization (still in infancy), learning how to handle certain relationship, learning how to listen better (not only to other people but also to myself), learning how to not act so impulsively (still do but a lot less), learning how to control my temper ( yeah I do have bad temper), learning how to treasure what I have...
It's been a busy semester with 7 classes and other extracurricular activities. I do think I'm becoming a workaholic. I can't seem to stop and just keep on finding things to do. Going out and play sometimes make me feel guilty for not doing work (yeah you can laugh but I do feel guilty after each trip). It's a constant reminder that I should always keep working.... (what will I be ten years from now? ) ^_^
anyway... just random thoughts without any structure...
oh.. another friend is getting married very soon. hihi everybody is getting married and settling down now. Looking at myself I realize I still want to roam around for much longer. The freedom is so hard to resist. ^_^. I am happy for all my friends who are married to the person they love. I'm happy for the people who are in love with the loved ones. I'm happy for all the wonderful family that they are creating. All the beautiful babies offer hopes for the future ^_^
good night...
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
post thanksgiving
Thanksgiving was mostly wonderful and eventful (both the positive and negative).
I'm back at school to finish up the semester. I can't believe that it's almost the end of the first semester of second year. Time just quickly dissolves....(interesting use of word I assumed)
I was interested in geriatric pharmacy in the past year due to family issues and other things related. In addition, I also realized the need for geriatric pharmacist is going to be just huge in the future (provided they can afford it or the government is willing to pay for it). Yesterday, we had a panel of experts coming and talk to us about Palliative Care. I made me wonder a lot about different things. To some it might be boring, but for a person who has gone through the process, I appreciate the work and the care that these experts were giving to the patients.
However, not every patient is fortunate enough to benefit from Palliative care. In fact, most probably don't have the opportunities... sometimes in life, you get sidetracked and start wondering about what you want to do in the future. You start to wonder... hum... what's next... what's next... But to patient who is in Palliative care, they pretty much know what lie ahead of them... but the way to the end sometimes is blurry. Palliative care provides patient comfort and support to the end of their life. We all die in the end. It's just a matter of how we die... We all prefer to pass away in the arms of the loved ones. I remember those childhood dreams about... if I ever died, I hope I would do so before the death of my loved ones so I don't have to suffer the loss of being left behind. We don't want to be left behind... but in the end we might have to be... and there isn't much we can do. Would you rather sit and sob until the end of your tears? or would you rather do something while your loved ones suffer? The speaker talked about compassion fatigue. I guess it's true. There was a period of time I wonder... why this had to go one? why made the other person suffer? he/she can't talk... their mind can't speak for its own... their eyes aren't bright... their legs can't move.. and... they probably won't feel anything much but pain.. what can you do at this point? try to soothe their pain, being with them... but... you know you are emotionally drained as well. Was it well-wished or was it bad-wished? but at some points... I do want things to be over... so that... none of us has to suffer. Technology has done amazing things... prolonging patients' survival... who would want to die? but... has we thought about... how people would live after they are discharged? hospital's responsibility is to improve patients' conditions and get patients out of the hospital... hospital's responsibility doesn't include... make patients' life meaningful... what do you do after you save the patient from death.. then .... release him/her... only to realize that this person might suffer from complications, pain... I don't know the answer but as a healthcare provider... we shouldn't turn people away even if...the chance of surviving is slim...we are taught to try our best to help our patients.. but sometimes I wonder would patients be appreciative when they know the road of ahead of them might not be as rosy as they wish...
I'm back at school to finish up the semester. I can't believe that it's almost the end of the first semester of second year. Time just quickly dissolves....(interesting use of word I assumed)
I was interested in geriatric pharmacy in the past year due to family issues and other things related. In addition, I also realized the need for geriatric pharmacist is going to be just huge in the future (provided they can afford it or the government is willing to pay for it). Yesterday, we had a panel of experts coming and talk to us about Palliative Care. I made me wonder a lot about different things. To some it might be boring, but for a person who has gone through the process, I appreciate the work and the care that these experts were giving to the patients.
However, not every patient is fortunate enough to benefit from Palliative care. In fact, most probably don't have the opportunities... sometimes in life, you get sidetracked and start wondering about what you want to do in the future. You start to wonder... hum... what's next... what's next... But to patient who is in Palliative care, they pretty much know what lie ahead of them... but the way to the end sometimes is blurry. Palliative care provides patient comfort and support to the end of their life. We all die in the end. It's just a matter of how we die... We all prefer to pass away in the arms of the loved ones. I remember those childhood dreams about... if I ever died, I hope I would do so before the death of my loved ones so I don't have to suffer the loss of being left behind. We don't want to be left behind... but in the end we might have to be... and there isn't much we can do. Would you rather sit and sob until the end of your tears? or would you rather do something while your loved ones suffer? The speaker talked about compassion fatigue. I guess it's true. There was a period of time I wonder... why this had to go one? why made the other person suffer? he/she can't talk... their mind can't speak for its own... their eyes aren't bright... their legs can't move.. and... they probably won't feel anything much but pain.. what can you do at this point? try to soothe their pain, being with them... but... you know you are emotionally drained as well. Was it well-wished or was it bad-wished? but at some points... I do want things to be over... so that... none of us has to suffer. Technology has done amazing things... prolonging patients' survival... who would want to die? but... has we thought about... how people would live after they are discharged? hospital's responsibility is to improve patients' conditions and get patients out of the hospital... hospital's responsibility doesn't include... make patients' life meaningful... what do you do after you save the patient from death.. then .... release him/her... only to realize that this person might suffer from complications, pain... I don't know the answer but as a healthcare provider... we shouldn't turn people away even if...the chance of surviving is slim...we are taught to try our best to help our patients.. but sometimes I wonder would patients be appreciative when they know the road of ahead of them might not be as rosy as they wish...
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