3rd week...

 Tomorrow marks my third week in the oncology rotation.  So much have I learned in the past week...both personally and professionally.

Long ago, I was told that you should live today as though it is your last day.  Recent passing away of Mr. Steve Jobs, this saying is often quoted because he often lived as though today was his last day.  What would you do if today is really your last day?  I wonder myself.   I have many things to do and many places to travel.  If I were to live today as though it was my last day, I would never able to accomplish all the things that I wanted to do.  So what does it really mean when a person says...you should always live as though today is your last day?  To me, it means to live with no regret and to live knowing that you have tried your best.  How is it like to live with no regret?  Does it involve in making as best a decision as you can so that you do not have to look back and wish it was something?  I think so.  If I can live like that, I then can leave the world without much regrets.

I'm talking about this because having spent two weeks in the onc service and a few months in the hospital, I realized the thread between life and death is so thin.  We are walking on it daily and trying to balance so that we are overwhelmed with the thought of dying and not overjoyed with the thought of living knowing that one day we will all pass away.  However, most of us are happy that we are alive.

I have learned much from my patients, from their determination to live as well as their acceptance to death.  As for me, I learn that some of my patients will make it and some will not make it.  Am I being attached to them not making?  Probably not, I am more concerned about the ones that are left behind.  Once a person is gone, a person no longer feels the sadness of death.  Only the people who are left behind have to endure the pain of loss.

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