Entering my final year, I thought I had
it all figured out but the answer still seems so far away. Two
months away from the conference. I'm about 60% done with the data
analysis. Still lots of work to do but I think I should finish it in
time for the conference in addition to submitting the final results
to the conference in June (deadline is the beginning of December –
two months away to be exact! But I think I will be able to do
something ^_^
In a month, everything is going to be
like four years ago. Applications, traveling, money spending and
uncertainty will be coming back once again. And I thought I'm done
with them for good. Only four years ago things have changed.
October is fast approaching. Your
memorial is also approaching. Just like that, it's almost 3 years.
I still remembered boarding on the plane flying to visit you for the
first time. Wherever you are now, I hope others are treating you
nicely. Our path crosses and then diverges. Such things happen so
often. I did wish I visited you more often in the past. Maybe
that's why I've spent more time flying back and forth than driving.
It also reminds me how important family is.
I wonder how people feel when I
actually don't remember the day you passed away because I don't just
want to remember you once a year. I often reflect about life and
death and at time I remember how you would have taught me and what
you taught me. In a way, I do think about you many times a year,
many times a month, and many times a week. I just don't remember
your memorial except for the month. You wouldn't be mad, would you?
I know as much as I lament about
finishing up the last part of my education, I will probably dive into
the work and work extremely hard in the next couples of months. As
much as I said I'm so done with this and that, given the
opportunities, I will once again work my hardest to get there.
I often set high goals. For example:
for this break, I set many goals and then I entered the retreat, ten
days worth of work were gone but you set high goals to offset things
like this. So that whatever you achieve is still good. I wonder
whom I learned it from. All I know is that my organization and
planning skills have become a lot better since the incident three
years ago. I had to cram so much. Every minute is a treasure. I
always had to plan for the worse. So in preparation for such things,
I pushed and pushed my limits. But in the end.... I made it! I know
you will always be supportive of me. You might not be supporting me
sleeping two hours a night or three hours a night or not even turning
on the heat in the house all through winter or just sleeping on the
floor for the last three years... but I've made it. I think you will
be proud. Of every venture I try, you will be proud because that is
what you have always wanted to instill in me... don't be afraid of
the unknown and you've got to try and do what you're unfamiliar. I
think I've done just that in the past three years...only it's too
late for you to see...
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