In memory

I was wondering...whether I should write this in English or should I write it in Vietnamese... Whichever flows better I guess.


A year has passed.  To me, today is your memorial day.  So much have changed Dad.  My hair grows longer.   (But I recently had it cut a little bit shorter by noone other than D.  He's practicing his skill, so I volunteered to be an experimental subject).  The cut wasn't perfect but at least he tried.  And this is what you taught us all through your life.  Although my hair grows longer, I don't get any taller except for when I wear high heels which hurt my ankles every time.  Life is good here but very busy.  I'm taking on different projects.  As usual, I'm stretching myself probably more than I should have.  But it's so usual that it's not uncommon to do so.  Whether it is a bad idea, I don't know.  I just think I become more workaholic with a long to-do list.  Trying to put a strike through each of them is my every day task.  I wonder what you would say if you were still here.  Crazy little girl?  Probably.  That's what most people said.  I'm used to it. Without the "busy-ness", things aren't excited as they would be.  Maybe that's what I'm after... or maybe I'm just running from one thing to the other... trying to catch a glimpse of everything.


I'm in my second year now.  I've tried to explore different facets that are available.  Kind of narrowing it down bit by bit, but everything is up in the air at this point.  I really love the idea of doing transplant.  It's a fascinating field.  It offers many things that I consider important: patient contact, pharmacotherapy, innovation, ability to work independently etc.  However, I kept thinking about what I would be like to be working with patients whose chance of survival might not be great.  and whether it will remind me of you and of how you couldn't get the benefit of the technological advance.  There comes oncology.  Having been going through what their families have gone through... it's easier for me to relate to them.  You probably would have said the same.  As much as I see a lot of opportunities in Am Care, there are still uncertainty about whether I should do it.  The pace is good and you do help a lot of patients.  In fact, most of your patients aren't critically ill, so you might not have to deal with the emotional aspect as much as when you are vested in your oncology patients.  So... I don't know.  I still need to explore and see what I want.  You probably would have encouraged me to follow what I love most.  Sometimes, things aren't as easy.  But I'll try just as you would.


Everybody is doing well and moving on. Or at least I hope they do.  It seems that they do.  So I guess you don't have to worry about this wherever you are...


It's raining outside heavily.  It has been raining for the last 6 hours with more to come.  But the rain will stop tomorrow morning so I don't have to wear my heavy boots to school like last year.  I didn't think you knew the story but it was flooding and everybody was as wet as a rat.  It was so last year now.. :)


I traveled a lot last summer.  I wish I could tell you all about it and take you with me as I promised you last year.  It was fun and allowed me to do the things that I had always wished to do.  People asked if it was lonely... it was more of an exploration than anything.  Something you would have approved anyway.  Maybe I take this after you. So I blame you for it. :-)  A fun summer I would say.


Whenever I look at your picture, I always see your gentle smile.  I look at your picture almost everyday whenever I exercise.   I guess it's encouraging me to not be lazy ^-^.  Your smile was just so content that it's very comforting to look at.  And I guess it was the most random picture ever.  We were trying to look for a good picture for your funeral... but we couldn't find any printed one.  I remembered posting a picture of you and Mom on the Flickr long time ago.  Quickly found and printed it.  Mom said... you were trying to blind us and only wanted this picture because after an exhausted search, we couldn't find anything in the room.  However, they started to appear after the funeral... after everything was done.  We found bunch and bunch of pictures.. but to be honest, none was as good as the picture we took a few years back.  You were too thin in the new picture and...the happy face wasn't there.  We wondered... were we just too tired that we couldn't find any... or was it the act of someone else... But I hope you were happy...


Things after things, a year has gone by just like a blink of the eye.  I visisted your resting place the other day.  It is still the same.  Not much has changed.  You have several new neighbors.  I hope they treat you well :-).  Even if they didn't, you would have treated them just as nice.  


I'm not visiting Mom for Thanksgiving. I think they wanted me to... but I can't.  So I think I will have a little bit of down time while I'm here.  


I hope you're well wherever you are.  I hope things are good and others treat you nicely because you really deserve it.


For me...I have to get back to writing...reading...and writing again as usual.  


It's a note from me Dad.  I wanted to update you on things... but kind of digress out of it.  I wish you the best...in everything.