what it means?

I want to write so much but time is not with me! But I have to jot down something.

I remembered my bhante used to tell me to try harder and don't give up. All but one bhante (must I say the master of the master) just kind of let me decide what I want to do. It was when I went on a retreat and wanted to go home. My brain had had enough and decided it can't take it anymore. Everything bothered me at that time. I mean everything! So I went home and wondered why he didn't do anything in his power to make me stay. I heard stories that he had made people stay in the past. I wondered and wondered... Maybe he just knew I wasn't completely ready for it? I don't know...

I recently lead some relaxation/meditation practice with a small group friends (by group I mean like 2 other people). while I did think it was helpful for me to think of away to share this practice that I had, I start to understand what it meant to be a teacher. To me, it was pretty hard to explain things without bringing religion into it. What should I say? trying to lead a practice that was based on one's religion philosophy to another person of a different religion without bringing the religion itself into the teaching (if this makes any sense!).

I got an email from one of the friends saying that she can't continue. Rather than upset or disappointed in myself, I just think ...maybe this is not for her. There are many other types of practices out there, she will find one that fits her and when the time is right, she will be able to do it.

To be disciplined is hard but it is not impossible. Maybe now I understand what it means to be teaching someone...to be leading a session.

Just like the practice said... just let it go... :) the moment you let things go, the burden you often carry will be lighter.

:)